Giving Up On Perfectionism

September 7, 2017

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I'm loving this Sanctuary dress for Summer and Fall - M Loves M @marmar

Getting a little reflective today and talking about perfectionism. Perfectionism has the worst connotation, doesn’t it? It means to refuse any standard other than perfect. While I don’t try to be perfect, I do try to do a million and one things as well as I can. I think we all set standards for ourselves on what we want to do and what we want to accomplish. And that’s not a bad thing. Having goals and standards helps define us. But, if you’re like me, you can be a little too hard on yourself. It’s true that we can be our own worst critics. Over the past 12 months, I’ve realized there is so much out of my control. {Hm I wonder who taught me that?!}. While I can want to do everything as best as I can, I need to lower the bar just a little bit and be ok with that. 

Gorgeous dark floral maxi dress for Fall - M Loves M @marmar Love this dark floral maxi for Fall - M Loves M @marmar A pair of sunglasses everyone needs to buy! - M Loves M @marmar a perfect transitional look from summer to fall - M Loves M @marmar

Social media sadly paints a picture perfect world. Instagram is mainly the guilty one. We can look at someone’s photos and think they live this “perfect” life. They travel the world, have the most well-behaved kids, the tidiest homes, and their hair and makeup are always done. They probably wake up smiling from their 8+ hours of sleep, too!  I know this isn’t the case, but it can be easy to fall into this trap of seeing these “perfect” lives and being dissatisfied with our own.

And I don’t want you to think I’m not happy with my life. I am! I’m so blessed to be able to stay home with my baby and work on a job I really and truly love. I might not travel, my child might challenge my very core {& it’s just the beginning!}, and my house might constantly be a mess, but that’s ok. I didn’t wake up looking like this {especially considering I got under 6 hours of sleep}, but life is good, and it really is worth enjoying!

this is one of my go-to bags for Summer and Fall - M Loves M @marmar A Fall date night look when it's still warm out - M Loves M @marmarI love the slit in this dress, it's so chic - M Loves M @marmar obsessed with this dark floral look right now - M Loves M @marmar A perfect transitional date night look - M Loves M @marmar

SHOP THIS POST

dress {also here} . heels {under $35!} . bag {lots of other color options too!} . sunglasses . earringsbracelets . cuff bracelet . ring  . 

 

I want to make a promise myself to give up on this idea of perfectionism. Perfection isn’t possible and it will never make me truly happy. I want to be content with the messiness of life, and somehow find a way to enjoy it. I think the first step to giving up on perfectionism is to find out how you can be truly content with where you are in life. For example, right now I’m not getting the best sleep, I’m struggling running a business, being a mom, a wife and a friend. That’s my life right now. But I need to remind myself that life is constantly changing. My situation today is not my situation tomorrow, next week or next year. To be honest, it will only get harder. I know this. But, one day these crazy days will be behind me, and I’ll probably miss them. In fact, I’ll think I didn’t enjoy them quite enough.

So I’m lowering my personal standards and being ok with that. Sometimes I’ll clean and sometimes I’ll go to sleep. Sometimes I’ll work and other times I’ll just relax. Sometimes I’ll cook dinner and other times I’ll order in. Life needs more balance and more acceptance. And possibly more social media breaks!

Do you ever feel like you fall into this perfectionism trap too? Any tips on how to get out of it?

xox

photos by Priscilla Frey

  • м♥ м

    Being a perfeccionist myself, I can relate with what you wrote. Life is hard and sometimes we are so caught up in what we are doing that we forget to let go a bit. I dont need to be the best in everything or always have the perfect smile, hair and makeup, body and clothes. Our house doesnt need to look like the ones on magazines. If we are doing what we love, we have love and are healthy, we have everything. We need to be more forgiving and accept who we are, instead of always comparing ourselves with others and always wanting to be better. Just relax and enjoy the moment. I totally agree with you Mara.

    • Thank you so much! I do agree that we need to give ourselves more grace. I need to try to be more forgiving and accepting of myself and enjoy the moment. Life is too short to be bothered by comparisons and self-judgements. Thanks for your encouraging comment!!

  • I love this honesty Mara. I thought that I was once a perfectionist, but I’ve given up on the idea of perfect a long time ago, particularly when things started going wrong for me. I too realised that there are things I just can’t control, and that’s okay. I’m literally going with the flow now and I’m happier than I’ve ever been. You’re gonna make it. Nothing lasts forever. Soon baby will be grown up and able to handle himself and you’ll find the balance you’ve been needing to make everyone in your life happy.
    Loving your dress by the way hehe. Have a blessed day. Kisses.

    Mich x

    • I’m so glad you’ve given up on this idea of perfection too Mich!! I think accepting what’s in and out of our control is so important. It’s not worth my time to feel upset that I can’t be X,Y or Z. Thanks for your kindness and support!

  • Rach

    I always feel like I’m in the trap too and it leads me to being frustrated. I’m slowly starting to ease up on myself and just let life run its course. But it is for sure hard! I’m working towards a better balance. Glad to know I’m not the only one!

    http://www.rdsobsessions.com

    • Yes that frustration is something I definitely feel too! I’m trying to do a better job balancing things but also I want to be easier on myself and not put these big pressures on myself.

  • Eva

    I have been through a move, just like you, and I can truly understand you, since my mother in law is pretty perfectionist too, it showed to me that it could be quite stressful. I don´t want to be stressful to my partner, family or friends!!!

    • It can be so stressful and unnecessary! And I really think it hurts someone’s quality of life, at least mine. I feel like this perspective has allowed me to have much more inner peace.

  • Thank you so much for your honesty! I tend to force perfectionism on myself a lot, even in ways that I don’t even realize! I imagine being a mom brings all sorts of new pressures too.

    I find that when I do recognize perfectionism creeping in that I will say out loud that I do not need to be perfect and name that particular goal. It helps me to recognize what matters, and what I am making more important than it is. Ultimately, knowing what is most important and keeping my focus on that helps fight the lie that I have to be perfect.

    Mary
    https://www.themarycurator.com/

    • I love that idea of saying it out loud and naming a goal. I will definitely try that. I agree it’s so important to focus on what matters to us and not believe this lie of perfection. It’s impossible, right?!

  • Mallory Thompson

    Love the honesty and vulnerability. I’ve always counted you as such a genuine, authentic blogger and it’s posts like these that affirm that. Hope you have a great day! <3

    • aw thank you Mallory!! I really appreciate that! It’s hard sharing your life online sometimes but I feel grateful to be a part of this wonderful community. I hope I can inspire people in a small way, and let them know that they’re not alone. I’m not perfect and I definitely don’t ever want to give that impression.

  • Melody

    I totally feel ya! Working 10 hours a day and then being a makeup artist on the weekends, and sometimes during the week, have me dreaming and constantly jealous of all of the instagram babes who look like they just travel for a living. Its really hard. But I’ve cut back on social fake media and its really helped! I might look once every 3 or 4 days. I must say, I feel so much better!!!

    • You’re amazing Melody! So inspired by your drive and passion!! Honestly there are so many people that would be jealous of you. You work full time (not easy!) and you have a side hustle that you’re passionate about (so admirable!). I know so many people who WISH they had something they were that passionate about. People that talk about wanting to do something else and then don’t do it. You’re doing it and setting an incredible example. I admire you so much!!

  • Shantall Melody Franco

    I agree with you 100%! I sometimes feel I’m not doing a great job as a mom but or wife, it’s hard to balance it all . Sometimes it does feel like everyone has it figured out except for me … but I know I’m doing the best I can and hope that’s enough. Thank you for doing what you do Mara and for always being so genuine. I know social media has its good & bad but grateful it allowed me to find you and your blog. You have truly made my days better with your posts and blogs. Helps me escape the craziness 🤗💕

    • You’re doing an amazing job Shantall! You’re a mama of two!! And a wife! That’s a lot of work and you’re doing a great job! I think all we can do is do our best and be proud of ourselves. I am so happy to have connected with you through social media and blogging, too!!

      • Shantall Melody Franco

        Thank you so much 😘🤗

  • Ana

    I know exactly what you mean! And yes, Instagram is probably the guilty one. It is important to know that at the end of the day we all have pretty much the same: same needs, same fears. And we know what really matters: love, family and health. I prefer to feel thankful for the things I do have and are important, because all the travel or luxury will never satisfy us entirely. And yes, balance is definitely the key! Thanks for sharing!

    • That’s such an interesting perspective Ana and I love it! We do all have the same needs and same fears and we have to focus on what really matters. Thanks for sharing with me!!

  • I love when you write posts like this that speak from the heart and share some insight into your personal life. I definitely relate to this! http://www.chasingbelle.com

    • aw thank you so much Jessie!! I’m so glad you can relate. This has definitely be on my mind a lot lately and I need to try to be easier on myself. Life is too short to try to be something I’m not.

  • Inspiring post, I can really empathise with this. Other people’s lives can look so “perfect” onine but I know that’s not necessarily the case and we all choose how we come across on social media and how others see us. I enjoy reading post like this where bloggers share that life isn’t perfect because I can relate. And other people’s sharing inspires me to write more publicly myself. Thank you for sharing. <3

    http://www.livingseasonal.blogspot.co.uk

    • aw thank you for commenting!! I really appreciate your words. Social media only shows one side of it. It wouldn’t be that fun to follow someone always complaining about X, Y & Z. I have to remind myself everyone has their own struggles, whether they like to vocalize them or not.

  • I LOVE THIS. I have been venting the same story to Christian about learning to be content. I think I’ll always struggle with it but I never want my ambitions to make me unappreciative of what I have. Loved this post – thank you for sharing babe!

  • I love that dress on you, truly gorgeous! + I agree, I think we all can be so hard on ourselves! It’s not healthy or realistic! I love this post.
    xo

    krystalinthecity.com

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