The other week Augustine graduated. Just saying that makes me realize how quickly time flies by. While it wasn’t high school or college graduation {ah can’t even think about that right now}, it was the culmination of his first year Mommy & Me program. While we didn’t spend the full year in classes {we started in February}, this group of mamas and babies did go through a lot of milestones together, from rolling over, sitting up, crawling, and even taking steps. Having this group for support meant a world of difference for me during this exciting, but challenging, time of life. During our last class, we all reflected on our first year as mothers. It was emotional but also eye-opening to think of the ways we’ve really changed. We thought about the things we wish we had known or done differently, so I thought it might be interesting to share with you all. Whether you’re expecting, a second-time mom, or even just someone that would like a little insight, I truly hope you’ll find this post helpful and encouraging!
Advice I’d Give to a New Mom
TAKE IN FRIENDSHIPS
As a new mom, it can be isolating at times. You’re thrown into a whole new world that revolves around your baby. Seek out friendhips with other new moms. I truly believe that community can help strengthen us. We are not meant to do this alone. Lean on those friendships, ask for help/advice when you need it, and cheer each other on. Motherhood is a hard job and we’re doing the very best we can!
STEP BACK AND OBSERVE
This was such a helpful tip that I took away from our Mommy & Me group. When we first started we would have a short obeservation period where we’d watch our babies explore on their own. We did this when they were on their back, then on their tummies, and finally as they were moving around the room. At the beginning they could only get through a few minutes on their own, but by the end we gave them about 6 minutes, only stepping in when we felt like they needed us. This was such a valuable time becuase I was able to watch Augustine process things, interact with the other kids, and play with a toy that I might not have expected. I liked giving him the opportunity to be in control, because the rest of the time the adults are calling the shots.
ACCEPTANCE – EVERYONES JOURNEY IS DIFFERENT, EVERY BABY IS DIFFERENT
Right after birth your baby is immediatley being compared to other babies. Their height and weight is marked and plotted on a graph that will follow them throughout their childhood. Know that every baby is different though and they will grow at their own pace. I remember stressing when Augustine was too small, stressing when he was too big, and constantly comparing him to the other babies I knew or read about. It was hard not to. I know some other moms shared this same stress. They worried when their babies didn’t roll over “on time,” or when they didn’t make out any words. It’s so hard not to let this anxiety creap in, because you want the very best for your child. But I found a lot of comfort in this Moomy & Me group to know that babies hit their milestones in their own times. Unless the doctor is worried, you shouldn’t be. Validate where your baby is at and accept that everyone’s journey is different.
IT’S OK TO ASK A MILLION QUESTIONS
I can’t tell you how many things I’ve searched over the past year on my phone, especially in the middle of the night. “Ideal Baby Nap times,” “How to anticipate the first year growth spurts,” “Why won’t my baby sleep?” “How to help a colicky baby?” “Ideal room temperature for sleeping baby,” When to introduce solids?” “Can they eat this?” “When do you switch to a convertible car seat?” I’m telling you, so many searches! But it’s ok! Search Google, ask mom friends, read books. But just remember the next tip:
NO ONE KNOWS YOUR BABY LIKE YOU DO – TRUST YOUR INSTINCT
This is one of my biggest pieces of advice and I think it should give you some strenght and hope. No one knows your baby like you do. The doctors or books can say one thing or another, but at the end of the day you’re the one that knows the best thing to do because it’s your baby and you’re with them the majority of each day. Just because someone says one thing doesn’t mean it’s true for your baby.
KNOW THAT YOU’RE GOOD ENOUGH, BE EASIER ON YOURSELF
Being a new mom is hard. No one really talks about how hard it is. After the baby is born so much attention is placed on them, as opposed to the mother. But the mothers go through a lot. All of a suffen their lives are turned upside down, they sacrifice their time and body for this new life. And as special as it is, it’s also stressful and a little overwhelming, especially as a first time mom. Be easy on yourself, do your best and know that that is good enough!
ENJOY ALL OF IT
It’s surprising how quickly the first year goes by. Even with some of the longest days, and sleepless nights, it still will go by more quicklly than you’d imagine, or like for that matter. My mom would remind me of this saying, “This too shall pass,” and it was something I held onto when times felt a little more challenging. But try to enjoy it all because everything changes too quickly. It’s hard not to get excited about each new milestone – rolling over, standing, walking, but then they come around and you miss the days before it.
Being a new mom is wonderful but can be incredibly overwhelming. If you can, I would definitely look into a local Mommy & Me group that you can join. I don’t think moms are meant to go through this chapter of life alone. While our partners are wonderful, we really need the support of other women. I made such wonderful friends through our Mommy & Me, and Augustine did as well. Plus, I learned so many valuable tools and tips to help me through different situations. I can’t recommend it enough!
xox
photos by Annie Vovan, a Los Angeles photogrpaher I met in the South Bay that specializes in Mommy & Me photos. She also started Avenue Mama which is a place to bring other moms together. I love that!
