Before I knew it, Augustine turned one. In a lot of ways, it’s been the longest year of my life, but it’s gone by way too quickly. I never knew how true the saying was, that “The days are long, but the years are short,” until we reached one year. In all honesty, the first year of motherhood has been a hard one, but it’s been more rewarding than I could imagine.In fact, as hard as it was, I’d do it all over again in a heartbeat. Every day I’m just amazed at this baby who is becoming his own little person. Last year I wrote a letter to my baby on his/her due date, so I thought this year I’d share a letter to Augustine on his first birthday!
Dear Augustine,
Without a question, I always knew I wanted to be a mother. This was a calling I felt since I was really young. Being a mom was something I desperately wanted, so to find out I was pregnant was one of the best moments of my life. I spent 8 months wondering about this little baby growing in my belly. Was it a boy or a girl? Would they have dark hair/light hair, blue eyes, brown eyes? What would their personality be like? I knew I would love this baby, but I didn’t know how much. I can’t tell you how happy I am that God blessed me with you as that baby, not just any baby, but you! You are the most special and wonderful boy and I feel lucky to be entrusted with his huge responsibility of loving and raising you.
I had a feeling you were a boy and how happy I am that I was right. I wanted a boy so badly. In regards to your hair color, we still don’t know. It’s light brown with reddish tints, but there’s a lot of blonde underneath. Perhaps you’ll be a blondie like your Dada was when he was a boy! Your eyes are a hazel hue with the most stunning patch of dark brown. It’s just another sign of how one of a kind you are. You’re calm and observant, but curious and funny. You love to explore and play with things that aren’t typical toys. You reach for the measuring cups and spoons, which makes me think you’re going to be my great little sous chef! You’re also a little wrestler, always twisting and blocking, especially when we’re changing your diaper. You crawl on all fours, pull yourself up, bounce to the beat, sing Laaa’s back and forth me with me, babble, and call out to Mama and Dada. I love how excited you get when you see dog dogs, ceiling fans, and our Roomba vaccum, the way your nose scrunches up when you laugh, and even how your lips pout out when you’re about to cry. When you rest your head against my chest, usually when you’re tired, I feel like the most special person in the world. I’m so lucky to have your love and trust. The fact that you feel safe and calm with me gives me so much joy, and I always want to be the person you can turn to.
I have so many wishes and hopes for you, my dear son, but I want you to know that you have already made me and your Dad incredibly proud. We hope you always follow your heart, pursue your dreams, and not give up on the things that truly matter to you. Your happiness is so important to us and we want to do everything we can to ensure that you have a joyful and meaningful childhood. We want you to be a strong young man one day, someone who knows their value and worth in this world. Someone who can make decisions that matter, someone who cares about others. Already, you have shown yourself to be a compassionate and empathetic soul. One of my favorite memories of you was when we were in our Mommy & Me class last month. You were exploring by the door during the observation period and just when I was wondering if it was bad that you weren’t playing with the other kids, one of the boys started to cry out. He had gotten into an awkward position on this foam circle and you immediately turned and starting crawling over to him. The other kids continued to play, unfazed by what was happening, but you went to this boy, and reached out with your hand as if to help him. And then, when the little boy started crying, you started to cry. It was so amazing to witness and I started to tear up, as well. We know already, even at a year, that you care deeply about others and their feelings. As you grow up, I hope you can continue to care about others, stand up for what you believe in, teach and inspire, and do good. I know you will!
Everything about you is wonderful, Augustine. You’ve become my favorite person in the whole world and it’s only been a year since I’ve known you. I said before, though, that when you were born, I felt like I’d always known you. That’s still true. I feel a connection to you that spans time. You are a part of who I am and that will never change. You also have fit right into our family. While I remember those days before you were here, it feels so distant now. How could we ever not have known you?! You make every day so much more exciting and enjoyable. Even after you go to sleep on the days that are a little more challenging, I think about how much I love you and how I can’t wait for tomorrow.
I really can’t wait to show you the world and see you experience things for the first time. Watching your face light up, and seeing you be amazed by the littlest things, gives me a newfound appreciation for the world around us. This past year has just been just the beginning. There are so many wonderful things ahead and I can’t wait to share them with you. We have beach days, trips to the zoo, Disneyland, camping trips, horse rides, and Hawaii adventures to look forward to!
Thank you for being on this journey with me, my sweet boy. I know motherhood and babyhood are new to us both, and we’ll make mistakes, but we’ll figure it all out together. We’ve made it through the first year and I’m so excited for all the ones ahead.
I love you more than anything, always and forever!
Love, Your Mama
xox
photos by Julianna Marie
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dress {also in ivory!} . shoes . bracelet . cuff . Augustine’s shirt {more colors} . Augustine’s pants . Augustine’s shoes .
