While it seems like Augustine was just born, it’s been almost a year and a half. Can you believe it? I feel like as soon as he turned one the questions started- Do you want another baby? How many kids are you planning on having? Are you ready? We brushed off those questions because it felt like I was just pregnant {remember?}. But, in all seriousness, when do you know you’re ready for another baby? Here is what has been going through my mind.
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On Mara: top (also comes in black and navy) . jeans . shoes .
On Augustine: sweatshirt . pants . shoes (so many good colors!) .
When Do you Know You’re Ready for Another Baby?
The truth is, I’m not ready. Not just because it seems like I was just pregnant, and not just because we’re still having our challenges with sleep. I’m not ready for multiple reasons. One being, I’m not ready to share. I feel so excited about every new day with Augustine, even the ones that start at 5am. While on one hand I like the idea of growing our family, I also like the idea of just enjoying this time of the 3 of us. I think motherhood is a season of selflessness, it’s about putting family and your family first. I do try to sneak in my time for self-care, but my life does not revolve around me anymore. By not being ready for another baby right now, I feel like I’m being a little selfish though. Yes, I want Augustine to have a sibling, but not yet. Even though I don’t want to have another baby right now, I do have my fears. Like, maybe I’ll spend this time not wanting a baby and then it will take a long time to get pregnant. Or maybe we won’t be able to have another one. But I’m trying to push those fears aside and not let them influence our current decision. It may seem selfish, but it feels like what’s best for us right now.
Motherhood has been a big adjustment. That’s putting it lightly. I still haven’t done a proper post about it, mainly because I don’t want to scare anyone away from the best but hardest work they’ll probably ever do. And I know we’re still at the beginning of our journey- we haven’t even hit the “terrible twos” yet, although I’ve promised myself not to refer to that stage so negatively. While motherhood has a huge life change, it was also one I embraced completely. I loved being pregnant and it was one of the most incredible periods of my life- full of so much hope and excitement. And it’s really lived up to all of that and so much more, despite some of the hard days any mom would face. The thought of having more than one baby though, seems like an even bigger adjustment and I don’t know if I’ll feel quite the same way that I did when I was pregnant the first time. I think there will be many more nerves and fears involved when you add another baby to the mix. How will Augustine adjust? How will I juggle everything? Am I going to be a walking zombie getting even less sleep?! Will my marriage suffer? How could I possibly love a baby as much as I love Augustine? That might make me sound terrible, but hopefully some of you mamas can relate.
I’m thinking maybe these are normal feelings that any mom would feel? At least, I hope so! For right now, though, I’m just happy to have this time with my boy and to be able to give him all of my attention. I know one day we’ll feel ready. Or at least more ready. I hope we will, anyways. Until then though, it’s just me, Matthew, and our little love. I’m so so grateful for Augustine and he’s really been the most incredible blessing. I thank God for him multiple times every single day. I don’t know how I got so lucky! While motherhood has been a challenge, I wouldn’t change a thing. Except I could maybe do without the 5am wake ups! I’ll have to remind him of that when he’s a teenager and wanting to sleep until noon!
I hope you all had a wonderful weekend! Matthew and I had a fun date night at home on Saturday night with cacio e pepe pasta {such an easy but delicious comfort meal!} & homemade chocolate chip cookies {my guilty pleasure!}. Sunday we went to the park with Augustine and kicked the ball around, stepping in lots of goose poop along the way! It was so cute to see Augustine kicking the ball around, and I loved that he wanted to run holding my hand. I feel like these are the days we’ve looked forward to for so long. It honestly keeps getting better and better!
Have a great Monday and thanks so much for reading this long & personal post! Also, if you’re pregnant or a new mom here’s a post I did with 6 Things I Didn’t Realized About Having a Baby. I also shared my Pregnancy Essentials here, along with my New Mom Essentials, Newborn Essentials, and one of my favorite posts: Advice I’d Give to a New Mom! I hope those posts are helpful for some of you!
xox
photos by Priscilla Frey
